A White Woman’s Attraction to Black Men

Nice MouthWow, that feels really ridiculous. Saying that. Why would I want to tell this world what I really think or feel when it already knows EVERYTHING on that subject? There’s no curiosity. Except maybe a prurient interest.

Yeah I’m pissed. I’ve had a lifetime to think about what was really going on with me and how drastically it differed from what the world thought. And I had to think about it because I was constantly under attack. Everybody knows what IT is I want. What my fetish is. Shut up.

I wasn’t really operating within an American racial paradigm. I was operating in a Balkan racial paradigm, which upstaged the American for me, in which we are the Nee-groes. Left of Nee-groes, actually. Nobody ever used the word ‘militant’ figuratively on us.

Let me give you a quickie intro to Kordun or Krajina Serb history. It’s like it’s 1860 and the south has just seceded. But instead of vexing itself, the North spreads the word that any slave who makes it to the Mason Dixon line will not only get 40 acres and a mule, but military equipment, training and pay.

You think the South is ever going to invade the North? We’re the reason Europe was not colonized by the Middle East. The history they don’t want you to know. It wasn’t Aryan Supremacy. It was us Ghetto Thugs on Welfare.


That’s what they’ve been hating us as for the last 400 years. Why say ghetto? We lived in the no-man’s-land between Europe and the Middle East. The war zone. We got free rent in a war zone in return for defending it. The Hungarian aristocrats saw us as a bunch of uppity ruffians, and the Croatian peasants were resenting the equivalent of ‘government checks’ we were getting for military service.

Over the border, in Serbia we were going through 530 years of Jim Crow style slavery. My grandmother would have seen old men escaped from Serbia with backs scared up from whippings.

You starting to get the picture now? There is some really intense psychological, sociological, historical, philosophical shit going on here.

I didn’t know I was a Ghetto Thug on Welfare Queen. Grandma was passing for the people exterminating us. That’s how we survived. We’ve gone from 20% to 2% of Croatia. They got Klansmen on steroids over there. But I knew.

Like a duck to water, I went where I belonged. I got in the right pew. I knew who I cared about, who I understood, which side I was on.

You can’t go through all of that and it just goes away like you’re nothing, all that suffering, and all that sacrifice was for nothing, like you don’t matter at all.  You just disappear from the face of the earth after going through all of that for so long, and it just doesn’t matter.   It does.

People like us are important. We’re special. We’ve gone through all this for a reason. We’re beautiful. And we’re brilliant. And we’re brave.

And that’s what I see in the brothers.

Any questions?

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